Chicken?
by cinbru
Summary: What will it take to get our Man in Black to lose his cool? Babe fluff with a little smutty thrown in.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I'm only borrowing these lovely characters. I tried to make a down payment on Ranger but Janet didn't accept desperation.

Note: I needed some fun since Haleigh is stressing me out right now with her doggone stubborn Ranger. :) Love you, Babe.

**Chicken?**

Part One

Monday morning

It was Monday morning and nothing special was going on. There were only a few skips to pick up and they were pretty easy. It was icy and cold outside and I was bored. So bored I was currently sitting on the couch of the bonds office allowing Connie to apply my make-up. That alone should show how bored I was. Connie was only slightly more subtle than Lula.

"So are we going 'glam' or 'trying to look like everyday but secretly glam'? She asked.

"Go glam! Go glam!" Lula yelled from the file room.

"I don't need 'glam' or 'secret glam'. I need 'won't run if I get mud on it'. I need 'will make my shower massager find me attractive'.

"I don't think we need to hear about your dates with your shower massager."

"Yeah." Lula came out of the back. "I know I don't want to hear about that since I got you a perfectly good Herbie Horsecock. Just because you ain't getting nothin' good doesn't mean you need to lower your standards on masturbation."

Connie and I both covered our ears and squeezed our eyes closed. I mean, it's an unspoken girl's rule that you can laugh and hint about it, but no one actually _says_ the word out loud. Lula must have missed that class.

"What? You two embarrassed about the word masturbation?" Lula said, smiling. Connie groaned out loud. "Hmmm. Don't know what's wrong with the word masturbation. It's a fun word. Maaasssstuuuurrrbaaaaatiooonnnn! Masturbate. Masturbatory."

"Lula!" I groaned. "Enough. My ears are going to explode. It's a non-word. An enigma. It exists but can only be uttered by men or porn stars. Let it die."

Lula smiled bigger. "Are you embarrassed about masturbation, white girl? You know you do it. You masturbate! STEPHANIE MASTURBATES! SHE MASTURBATES GOOOOOOD. STEPHANIE MASTURBATES ALL NIGHT LOOOOONG. STEPHANIE MAST-"

She had been yelling so loud we failed to hear the door open and since Connie and I had our faces in our lap, we weren't aware either. We looked up when she cut off and saw her frozen in mid dance move in front of Ranger. Who was grinning. Big. He was smiling at Lula but he turned predatory and slid his glance my way.

"I'm torn between offering my services and asking you to let me watch."

This was embarrassing. No, this was beyond embarrassing. I stood up and held my head up high.

"Connie, thank you for the make-up." I turned to Ranger and Lula. Lula was still frozen with her mouth open. "I'm not speaking to you two." And I stormed out. Almost. I was so embarrassed I misjudged the door and hit the frame with my shoulder on the way out. I put my right foot down hard on the icy sidewalk to catch myself and my foot went right out from under me and I crashed down flat on my back.

I lay with my eyes closed for a minute before opening them, looking up at the sky. Three faces were upside down, peering at me.

"She dead? Girl! You dead?" I felt a toe nudge me.

I closed my eyes again. "If I'm dead will you go away?"

"Babe." I felt two large hands grab me under my pits and haul me up to a standing position. Fucking Ranger. He must have an anti-slip device installed in him somewhere.

He was still smiling at me as he brushed me off. Connie and Lula gave me thumbs up behind his back and then slipped back into the office. Ever since Joe and I split they had been trying to get me to do the nasty with Ranger. Those were Connie's words. Lula's words included 'porking', 'salami' and something to do with a fist. So far Ranger and I hadn't done anything except kiss in the alley a little more. But now that it was so cold, even that little fun was hibernating.

My face must have been three shades of red because Ranger pulled me in for a hug and kissed my hair. I could feel him smiling in my hair. "You never disappoint, Babe."

"I never disappoint _you_, maybe." I mumbled into his shirt. "I disappoint _myself_ on a regular basis."

He pulled back and regarded me. I crossed my arms in front of me, missing his warmth.

"Let me take you to breakfast." He finally said, after studying my face for a moment. "Wonder Woman looks like she could use some pancakes."

What the Hell. My morning was for shit. Might as well get some free food.

-oooooooooooRSoooooooooooooooooooooo

"So you are telling me that you NEVER get embarrassed? Not at all? As in nada?"

We were finishing our brunch and it was goooood. I'd had pancakes with chocolate chips and bacon. Ranger had fruit and a bran muffin. Pathetic.

"Not anymore. I don't do a lot of things that will cause myself embarrassment, but if I do it doesn't bother me."

I looked at him incredulously. "Been through too much to worry about the little things, Babe."

"Do you ever trip?"

"Not in years."

"Say the wrong thing?"

He stayed silent with his almost smile in place.

"Yeesh. Okay. But there has to be SOMETHING that embarrasses you."

"Not going to happen, Babe."

We were quiet for a bit while I finished my bacon, dipping it in the syrup. Ranger sipped his coffee, watching me eat.

I studied him for a minute. "You know I can never resist a challenge, Ranger."

"That's why I love you." He smiled. I felt tingly and a warmth washed over my body. I almost forgot my challenge. I shook my head to clear the Ranger fuzzies.

"How about we make a bet."

Ranger smiled and sat back in his chair, getting comfortable. "And this bet would be?"

"Ever played truth or dare, Ranger?" He smiled and made the 'go ahead' motion with his hand. "This is truth or dare minus the truth part. I get to give you a series of dares to see if I can embarrass you."

"And what do I get out of this?"

I was stumped.

He leaned forward. "Okay, Babe. Here's how we're going to play this. We meet here for breakfast each morning for a week. You get to give me one dare that I have to do sometime during that day. In exchange, I get to give you one dare of my choosing to be carried out during the day. These dares can consist of asking you to do something healthy for you or….other things." He smiled his wolf smile and my nipples said yes.

"And what should the winner get at the end of the week? If I actually get you to be embarrassed? "Or if I fail and you win?"

"How about the loser has to spend an evening at the winner's disposal." Great googily moogily! This was a serious bet.

"Deal. But we both get to pick one safety rule.

Ranger thought for a minute. "No public nudity." Damn, that wiped out half my ideas.

"Okay, wimp." I smiled at him. "Nothing before 6am."

"Babe."

"That's my rule!"

Ranger sighed. "Alright. First dare. Lay it on me."

I actually didn't have one. I didn't expect him to actually agree. I glanced around the restaurant. There was a moderate crowd for a Monday morning. I looked back at Ranger.

"Belch. Out loud. And it better be good."

Ranger stared and me with no expression on his face.

"Chicken?"

Ranger raised one eyebrow. He reached over and picked up my Coke, removing the straw. He downed half of it in three gulps and set it back down. He leaned forward slightly, lowered his chin and belched.

This wasn't a burp. This was a belch. Maybe not quite as good as Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, but pretty darn good. It was deep and loud and he finished it by hitting his stomach with his fist a few times. He finished and leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head, smiling lazily at me. It was dead silent in the diner.

"That all you got, Babe?"

"Damnit!"

"I dare you to eat nothing but vegetables for the rest of the day. And they can't be fried." He quickly added.

This was a stupid bet. Whose dumb idea was this, anyway?

TBC….

So, ladies…. any dare requests?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**Author's note:** Man, you ladies sure want to see Ranger get put through some serious humiliation. You're all sick! I love it. I am going to say right off the bat, that despite many requests to have him dressed in drag and sing on stage, I just can't do that to him. It feels like that would go against everything that is right in the universe. You know, God, freedom of speech and Ranger being manly. Today's chapter is for Donna, who sent me this great idea.

**Chicken?**

Part two

Ranger's body was pressed onto mine. His hands were stroking up my sides, his thumbs brushing over my nipples. I moaned and arched up against him as his tongue stroked in and out of my mouth. He ground his lower body into me and I could feel him hard and I ached for him. I tangled my hands in his hair, kissing him deeper until he groaned into my mouth. He lowered one hand until it slipped inside my panties finding me wet and throbbing for him. He broke the kiss and licked against my ear. I felt his hot breath as he whispered….

"Christ, Babe. You've got to remove your hand."

What?

I opened my eyes and realized that Ranger was next to me in bed fully dressed. He was breathing heavily and I realized that my right hand was in his pants about two millimeters away from a full handed grip. I snatched it back like lightning and he flopped back on my bed. I glanced over at the clock. 6:01am.

"That's what you get for showing up here at the crack of ass and disturbing my sleep."

"I'm not sure if we should call it sleep." His eyes were closed and he was grinning. "You were moaning and sweaty. I bent over you to see if you were OK and you molested me."

I pulled the covers over my head. My whole life was an embarrassment.

"Why are you here other than to interrupt my sex dream? It was going really well, too."

Ranger barked out a laugh. "My dare for you today is to run three miles. I waited a whole extra hour because of your safety rule. You can tell me my dare when I take you to breakfast."

I groaned and rolled out of bed. Luckily my dare for him was surely going to embarrass him. Much better than belching. At least I could think about it while he was torturing me.

ooooooooooooRSoooooooooooooooooooooo

Ranger wasn't eating. He was simply starring in disgust at my ham, bacon, pork chop, two eggs with cheese and sausage meal. It was the Lumberjack Special. After eating nothing but vegetables for most of yesterday, I had a lot to make up for. Don't tell Ranger but it wasn't too terribly bad. Well, lunch sucked because it was left up to me, but when I got home last night there was a note from Ella to check my oven. There was a warm mixed vegetable casserole with asparagus, mushrooms, onions and artichoke hearts in a garlic wine sauce. Looks like Ranger was rewarding me for his dare. I won't lie. I ate the shit out of it.

"Well?" He was looking at me expectantly. We were pretty much done with our food. When we walked in today, the manager welcomed us back saying that he was pleased to see us two days in a row, especially if some of us remember our table manners. This was said with a look to Ranger. He just smiled at him and pulled me to a table.

"Oh, yes. Your dare." I leaned back, mimicking Ranger.

"Out with it."

"You know, Ranger, It's going to be my time of the month soon and I'm just all out of tampons. What's a girl to do?"

"So you want me to get you tampons?"

"No, I don't want you to _get_ me tampons. I want you to _buy_ me tampons. Yourself. At the Wal-Mart off of Marketplace. The busy one. And I get to watch. Secretly."

Ranger did the barest of eye rolls. "Babe."

I grinned at him. This was it. This was going to embarrass him. I could feel it. Today was the day.

"Let's get this over with." He tossed some money on the table, slung his arm over my shoulders and dragged me to the Cayenne. This was going to be good.

oooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooo

We were standing just inside Wal-Mart and I was prepping him. Ranger looked a cross between amused and I-can't-believe-I'm-doing-this.

"Okay. You have to get Playtex super absorbent with deodorant. You are going to have to ask the clerk to help you find them or you are going to get confused." Ranger had winced when I said 'deodorant'. This was it.

"You are really going to make me do this?"

"Chicken?"

Ranger gave me one last look and strode over to the pharmacy area. He walked over to the feminine products section and stood there staring at them with his hands on his hips. I was hiding around the corner laughing my ass off, he looked so funny. Plus, I knew that Playtex didn't make a super absorbent deodorant one so he was going to have to ask. I fucking rock!

He stood there for a few minutes reading the boxes with his blank face on. Finally he turned to a teenage associate and pointed to him. Apparently the boy spoke macho military because he reported front and center eyeing first Ranger and then the tampons nervously.

I saw them talking a little bit and then Ranger swung his eyes my way. Not only did he not look embarrassed but his mouth was almost smiling and his eyes looked a little predatory.

"Hey Babe. I have a question."

Oh crap. He wasn't supposed to talk to me. That wasn't part of the deal. He and the associate were both staring at me so I had no choice but to come out from where I was hiding.

"Uh…yeah?"

"You know, Babe, I was thinking. Do you still have your yeast infection? Because I'm not sure it's the best idea to get the ones with deodorant."

"Uhhhhh…."

"I do understand why you want to get that since you are having the odor problem, but maybe tampons in general would not be the best choice especially with your rash."

I stood frozen in my spot, my face heating up to what I was sure was a brilliant shade of red. I looked around and a gentleman in the antacid section looked away quickly and scurried off. A woman a few feet away was looking at me with pity. I swung my gaze back to Ranger, who was grinning like the cocky bastard he is. The associate was staring at his feet.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the Pharmacist came hurrying over.

"Oh my!" He said. "Let me help you. How did you let things get so bad, my dear? Are you wiping front to back?"

Oh fucking Hell.

15 minutes later we left Wal-Mart. I had my tampons, Monistat, Summer's Eve wipes, feminine deodorant and some topical ointment. It was the most embarrassing experience of my life.

Ranger was walking with a definite swagger. He looked very smug.

"This is a great idea. I love this bet. Same time tomorrow?"

Tomorrow is the day. I can feel it.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**Author's note**: We are starting out slow and ramping up. I'm a crescendo kind of girl. Heh he he heh he he heh heh heh he. She said crescendo. And fear not, I thought up the final chapter today and I laughed out loud. It's going to be good. All of you who want Grandma, hold your horses. I'm sure she'll show up.

Today's chapter is for MyDarkAliasIsHPScully17, who sent me this idea.

**Chicken?**

**Part three**

**Wednesday Morning**

Ranger was going down. At first I just wanted to see him embarrassed because, hey, who wouldn't? But now it was personal. Now he insulted my hoochie.

I went home after the Wal-Mart incident and planned. Okay, first I went to the bathroom and examined myself to make sure nothing was amiss. Not that I actually thought there was anything wrong with my girl but it was best to be cautious since Ranger put the thought in the universe.

Next I went to see Vinnie. I needed his help. Actually I needed one of his little bugs he plants to listen to Connie and Lula. I explained what I was doing and he handed it over and gave me the receiver. Next stop was for the gift certificate. I went to sleep happy.

Now Ranger and I were sitting in our diner having breakfast. I had waffles with strawberry topping and whipped cream. Who the Hell cared what Ranger had. I had whipped topping.

"So you didn't wake me up this morning to go running. And you are letting me eat fatty food right now. What is it, Ranger? Yoga? Gun range?"

Ranger speared a piece of melon. "Nope."

"Pilates?"

"Nope."

"Then what?"

Ranger picked up a bag I hadn't noticed before and handed it over. I held it but couldn't quite bring myself to look.

"What is this, Ranger?"

"Your uniform for the day."

"My….uh oh."

Ranger just smiled.

I opened the bag and peered in. I instantly regretted it. I should have left in closed. It was my 'Bounty Huntress' costume from the Scrog incident.

"Where did you get this?"

"I saved it. I have dreams about it."

I sighed and glanced at my plate. I thought about the amount of fat I had eaten the last few days and my eyes widened.

"Babe, you'll look hot no matter what you've eaten. Go put it on. I want to see you in it so I can fantasize about you later."

"Sonofabitch." I muttered as I trudged towards the bathroom. The leather pants were as tight and as low as I remembered. Maybe a little tighter. The vest didn't even come close to the tops of the pants and my boobs bulged out the top.

"Damn I need a tan." I said to my reflection. The one shred of silver lining was that at least it was cold and I could wear a jacket.

I walked back out and sat down, ignoring the stares of the other guests. Ranger was sporting his almost smile and his eyes burned dark as they lingered on my breasts.

"Seriously? This?"

"Scrog did have a point."

"He's in jail for your attempted murder!"

Ranger leaned forward and I felt one hand run up my leather clad thigh under the table.

"Yeah, but his legacy lives on."

I stopped his finger two inches from ground zero, my breath a little shaky and Ranger tossed me his beautiful smile.

"Laugh it up, Ranger, but we need to hurry so you won't be late for your appointment." I slid the gift certificate towards him.

Ranger's smile cut off abruptly as he looked at the paper. "Eclipse Salon?"

"Manicure and pedicure. 11:00. You have an hour. Mai is waiting for you."

Ranger stared at me with his blank face on. It was all I could do not to bounce in my seat. He was going DOWN and I was the iceberg.

"Babe."

"Chicken?"

He stood up and put his usual 25 on the table.

"Come on, Attila. I have a few ends to wrap up and I wouldn't want to keep Mai waiting."

oooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooo

**10:45 am**

"Yo."

"Hi Tank? It's Steph."

"Ms. Plum? What can I do for you?"

"I was hoping you could help me with a skip. Ranger told me to give you a call. Do you think you can help me?"

I heard paper rustling. "That shouldn't be a problem. When and where?"

"Eclipse Salon at 11:30. I'll meet you inside. You might want to bring backup."

"Will do, Bombshell."

"Thanks, Tank."

ooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**11:00**

I had planted the bug near the chairs when I went to get the gift certificate. That fact was the reason that I was currently staked out in the alley across from Eclipse in between the Deli and Starbucks. Damn I wanted some coffee.

I had hunkered down in the wind, pulling my coat around my slut outfit and turned on the sound when I saw Ranger's Porsche pull up. He parked around the corner and walked into the salon, glancing around. I tucked myself up against the wall out of sight.

He walked up to the desk and handed his certificate. The woman stared at him with the deer caught in Ranger light look until he snapped his fingers in front of her face and she turned to go get Mai.

Mai was a large Vietnamese woman. Not tall, she was only 5'1" but weighed close to 200 pounds. And she was loud and mean. You didn't mess with Mai. She walked right up to Ranger and didn't bat an eye.

"You get nail done?" Mai was also a lesbian. She was immune to Ranger. I had asked for her specifically.

She grabbed his hand and looked at his nails. "You have long cuticle. I let you soak in jasmine bath." This came out sounding like 'yahmeen bah'.

"Excuse me?"

"Yahmeen bah. YAHMEEN BAH!" she yelled at him. I could only see the back of his head through the window but I bet anything he was blank facing her because she took a step back.

She turned to the owner, Phong, and began firing off rapid Vietnamese. He shook his head and argued back with her. Ranger was just standing there with his arms crossed. He was eyeing the door. I almost peed myself for joy.

Phong shook his head and looked at Ranger. "You insult her by not understanding. She thinks you do not speak English."

Mai pulled herself up in front of him. "You idiot?" I burst out laughing and had to throw myself against the wall but I don't think he heard me. When I peeked back out again Ranger had his hands on his hips.

"I do speak English and I'm sorry for not understanding you. Being of a different culture, I know how hard it is when people confuse your accent."

She stared at him hard for a minute before smiling up at him.

"You want tea?"

Son of a BITCH!

ooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Things had been quiet in the salon for the last 15 minutes. Ranger had Mai working on his feet and another girl working on his hands. Mai had gotten him tea, a pillow for his back and managed to find the latest edition of Guns 'N' Ammo for him to read. I was feeling a little pissy until I saw Tank's Bronco pull up several doors down. Here it comes. D-Day.

Tank and Lester angled out of the Bronco and walked down to the salon. Even though I told them to meet me inside they were still being cautious. What good friends they were. I was about to repay them. Any second now…

And then it happened. They all glanced up together and froze. Ranger inside stilled until the ladies looked up. Tank and Lester froze on the outside. I could see Tank smiling. He turned to Lester. "Well, Well. What do we have here?"

They opened the door and walked inside to stand before Ranger, both grinning.

Ranger was looking up at Tank. He smiled slightly and lowered his eyes until he was staring straight into the alley at me. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. His look said, "So is this how you want to play it?"

Tank started chuckling. "What are you doing here, Rangeman?"

Ranger looked back up and didn't even blink. "Mani/Pedi."

"No shit? They any good here? I've got this callous on my heel that Tropical Nail just can never seem to get rid of."

Lester was looking through their brochure. "These prices aren't bad. Their paraffin treatment is only 10!"

Ranger looked over his shoulder. "Hey Phong!" Phong walked over. "Do you have room for two more?"

Mai looked up. "Of course he do! We always have room for Ranger and his friends." She smiled up at him. He smiled back and she giggled. Now I was pissed. She was supposed to be a lesbian!

I stormed across the street and threw open the door as Tank and Lester were sitting down in pedicure chairs. The wind blew my jacket open.

"NO! NO NO NO! This is not how it works!"

"What are you wearing, Bombshell? Lester asked, looking me up and down.

"NEVERMIND! Why the Hell aren't you making fun of him?"

"He's just taking care of his cuticles. It's the healthy thing to do." This was from Tank.

Phong pointed at Ranger. "He has lovely nail bed." I threw up my hands. "Why we no see you in here for while, Stephanie? You need manicure?"

"NO! I don't need a manicure, Phong!"

"Well we need to get you your bikini wax. It been over three month. You must look like rice field." He grimaced, showing his teeth. "Yikes."

Tank and Lester did the same grimace.

"Yikes." Lester said.

"Yikes." Tank said.

I felt my face heating up. "No…I…I got it done at Nail America last month. Really…I..."

Ranger snagged my hand and pulled me onto his lap.

"Babe."

"Don't Babe me! What is it with you and embarrassing me about my hoochie? I swear to God, Ranger, you will never get to go there again." I was furious.

"I'll get another chance, Babe." He whispered into my ear.

"No you won't!" I said jumping up. "Screw you. And screw you, you and you!" I pointed at Tank, Phong and Lester. I pointed back at Phong. "Wait, I take yours back. I need a bikini wax and Mai is the best."

She looked at me. "You come at 4:00?" I nodded. "Good. Bring book because it take ALL hour! And you no scream like last time."

I kicked the door on my way out.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I would get him. I could feel it.

TBC…

**P.S.** If we have any Vietnamese ladies on this list, I hope you weren't offended. I got nothing but the love.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**Author's note**: Today's chapter is for my girl Jaime who sent me this great idea. If you like it say 'thank you' to her because she deserves it after all the nice words she always writes to everyone in reviews! Love you, my friend.

**Chicken?**

**Part four**

I slammed the file down on the table top. Ranger paused in mid Cream of Wheat bite to glance down at the file. He looked up at me.

"Cranky?"

"YES!" And I really, really was. Not only was Ranger proving immune to embarrassment, but I had the wax job from Hell yesterday. It was made even worse by the fact that Mai insisted very loudly on using gloves because she heard about my yeast infection and rash. I hate her.

"Babe. This was your idea. I told you I don't get embarrassed. Do you want to stop?"

"NO I don't want to quit. I want to get you. I want to get you so bad I can taste it." Today was the day, too. I could feel it. I had a plan.

"And it's not like you just aren't getting embarrassed. You are turning it into a Stephanie humiliation sport!"

"I didn't do anything yesterday. And, Babe, if you are going to set me up by sending me to find tampons that don't exist or calling my employees about a false skip, then it's on." He leaned back in his seat and raised both eyebrows. Actually, he did have a point. I guess I wasn't playing fair. But this was Ranger. I had to even the playing field somehow!

"Alright, point taken. Today's dare should be pretty easy for you. I'm sure you can handle it no problem. No sir. No embarrassment or trickery here."

Ranger raised an eyebrow and opened the folder. "You want me to pick up your skip?"

"Yes, but there are some rules."

"How did I know that was coming? Punky Balog. I think I remember him. Doesn't he always get picked up naked?"

"Not always. And the Vaseline is even rarer."

"Babe."

"You can't use a gun or stun gun. You have to handcuff him with your bare hands and take him to the station yourself. And you have to do it alone. And you can't clean yourself up _at all_ before the cop station."

"Why would I need to clean myself up?

"No reason."

He flipped through the folder a bit. "Do you have a game plan?"

"He should be home at 1:00. How about I meet you at one outside of his house?" I knew he was going to be home then because I had called him this morning to tell him I was coming by at that time. I also _might_ have let it slip that I sure hoped he wasn't going to be naked and covered in Vaseline because I sure hate that. I believe his answer was something like, "I'll have so much Vaseline on me you'll be lubed for sex for an entire year." Then he went on to say that he didn't think I'd be getting any with my yeast infection but I'm pretty sure I hung up on the fat fucker.

Ranger was assessing me. I don't like it when he does that. Well, sometimes I do because secretly it makes me feel secure to have him know me the way he does. But when we are competing it sucks.

"So what's my dare?" I was trying to distract him before he formulated…well…anything.

He leaned forward and didn't break eye contact. "I want a kiss. Not just any kiss, but a very passionate one with tongue and roaming hands. And before you do it I want you to look at me and say 'Oh God yes, Ranger.'"

I felt my body start to warm up. "Now?"

"No. When I tell you. It could be at anytime today. But when I say 'now' it has to be now. Agreed?"

"I guess I have to." Twist my arm. "So let me get this straight. I have to say 'Oh God yes, Ranger' and then I have to tongue you good."

Ranger actually laughed. "When you say 'tongue me' I'm getting other ideas.

I blushed. The sexy jerk could embarrass me without even trying. He stood up and walked around the table. He bent down and kissed me softly, trailing a finger down the side of my face.

"I know you are mad at me right now, but I wanted to let you know how much I'm enjoying eating breakfast with you in the morning. I like starting out the day with your face." He smiled gently at me and I turned into mush right there in my chair.

"See you at 1:00, Babe." And he walked out of the diner.

I liked seeing his face, too.

ooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooo

I pulled up in front of Punky's house at 1:00. Not surprisingly, Ranger was already there. But the scene before me made me burst out laughing. Ranger was leaning against his car with a completely disgusted look on his face, staring up at the house. In one of the second story windows was Punky, naked, pressing his ass against the window yelling, "Come and get me, Copper!"

He looked at me as I walked up. "Let me guess. That thing is Punky."

"No. That thing is Punky's ass."

"Babe!"

"Go get him, Tiger."

Ranger blew out a breath and walked towards the house. "At least I don't have to worry about him being armed."

We opened the door, not even bothering to knock and Ranger called out 'Bond Enforcement'. Punky came to the top of the steps and started jiggling.

"Who you got with you today, Stephanie? You need a man to catch Punky? I'm all lubed up like we talked about this morning!" he sang out. Ranger cut his eyes to me and raised his eyebrows. Shit.

Punky continued on. "I'd rather slip and slide with the bitch but I'll slide with you, too. Come catch Punky! Catch me if you can!" And he ran off.

Ranger looked put upon. But he made the best of it. "Punky! I'm not going to chase you and I'm not going to ask again. Come downstairs now!"

"You'll have to do better than that, Stud Boy!" we heard from another room.

Ranger started heading up the stairs. "Shit." I bounced happily along after him.

We found him in the master, dancing around the big space. "Look at me. Come get me! I like it when you touch me!" He glistened with goo in the sun. Ranger grimaced and walked over to him.

"I'm just going to grab you, Punky. Don't make this tough." Ranger usually grabs the wrist of easy skips and does an arm behind their back twist thing that disables them. He tried that here. He grabbed Punky's wrist but before he even moved it and inch Punky slipped his wrist out of Ranger's grasp with almost no effort. He bolted out of the room.

"That was lame, Stud Boy. Catch me! Catch me!" We heard him pounding down the stairs.

I was bouncing up and down clapping, I was so happy. Ranger looked a little miffed. Not angry per say, just a little miffed. He looked over at me and his face creased into a smile at my obvious joy. "Having fun?"

"Oh God yes! I'm not cranky anymore!"

Ranger wiped his hand on a towel and we made our way downstairs. Punky was in the living room. I sat on the back of the sofa to watch the fun. Punky was laughing. This was going to be a good show.

Ranger started to make a move. I stood up "Wait!" They both froze. "Punky, you got any chips or something?"

He pointed to the kitchen. "Sure girl. Pantry. Go get you some." I ran in and found some Pringles and was back on the couch for the show. "K. Go ahead."

Ranger shook his head a little and turned back to Punky, who was bent over doing the shoulder shimmy in Ranger's direction. Ranger lunged forward and got his hands on Punky's waist. Punky twirled like a ballerina and got away easily. Ranger had gunk all along his arms.

Ranger looked resolved. He waited until Punky cleared the coffee table at then he leapt. He got Punky in a lock around the chest but with the amount of Vaseline he had on him Ranger just slid all the way down his body onto the floor at Punky's feet. He simply stepped out of the circle of Ranger's arms and danced away.

"Holy crap, Ranger!" I yelled. "That rocked. I mean, it was totally ineffectual, but that was worth the ticket right there. You didn't even come close. HA!"

Ranger had sat up and was just staring at his left hand.

"Are you okay, Ranger?"

"I touched it. On the way down."

"What's 'it'?"

"Babe. Penis."

"Ewwwwww."

He was just sitting there staring at his hand. "In all these years I've never had to touch another penis. These were virgin hands. I mean, I did have to touch my nephew Juan's, but he was 6 months old so that doesn't count."

"Why did you have to touch it?"

"You have to point it down before you put the diaper on."

"I wouldn't know about that. So this touching thing. Does this embarrass you?" I asked hopefully.

"Sorry to disappoint. Creeped out, yes. Annoyed, yes. Wanting to feel you up so I can reboot, yes. Embarrassed, no."

Damnit.

"But I guess nothing can be worse than touching that. At least I got that over with."

We found Punky in the entry way. Ranger looked like he wasn't messing around now. He made another attempt and tried to use his leg as well as his arm but that failed, too. Ranger now had Vaseline over most of his body. I was getting very optimistic.

"Alright Punky." Ranger finally said. "This is it. Go time. I'm giving you one last chance."

Punky looked like he was going to say something and then bolted out the front door. Ranger took off after him. Punky was halfway down the steps when Ranger leapt. It was a beautiful leap. He caught him between the shoulder blades and they went down in a tangle of grease and limbs and penises.

When they finally tumbled to a stop at the bottom of the steps, Ranger was sprawled out on top of him with one hand holding Punky's wrist smooshed to the ground. Punky's face was in the sidewalk.

"Unh." Punky said. "Geddidoud."

"What?"

"Geddidoud!"

Ranger released his wrist and lifted Punky's head off the ground.

"Get it out!" Punky gasped.

"Get WHAT out!" Ranger asked.

"Your hand!"

All three of us looked down. Ranger's other hand was imbedded between Punky's large ass cheeks.

"FUCK!" Ranger bolted off Punky and stood there staring at his hand again.

"This is my fault." He said "I tempted fate by saying it couldn't get any worse. I should know better. I'm Cuban AND Catholic. We're a haven of superstition."

I was dumbfounded. All three of us just stared at Ranger's hand. Finally Punky spoke up.

"Yeah, I'm all done. You can cuff me now."

Ranger broke his trance and cuffed Punky.

"Ranger, remember how I said you couldn't clean up?" I give you permission to wash that hand."

"Thank God."

"Are you embarrassed?"

"I'm sorry, Babe, but no. There is a distinct chance I may vomit, and that might be embarrassing."

One could hope.

"So what did you think, Ranger? This was a first for you."

"Yeah, which part?"

"This was your first Stephanie take-down."

"It was kind of enlightening, actually. It was like the Stone Age all over again. Just me and my bare hands for survival."

"Well, one bare hand. And one hand covered in ass-"

"_Babe_!"

ooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooo

We pulled up in front of the police station 15 minutes later after washing Ranger's hand and getting a towel for Punky. This was it. I was so excited.

Ranger was a mess. He had Vaseline all over him and his hair was standing up in patches. His shirt was slightly ripped from his tumble down the stairs. He glanced in his mirror and sighed.

We pulled Punky out of the car. Ranger suddenly stopped and began wiping Punky of with the towel.

"Wait, Ranger. I said-"

"Babe, you said _I _couldn't clean up. This is cleaning Punky up." I couldn't argue.

We walked inside and everyone froze. This was better than I could have ever dreamed. There were people everywhere, all staring at Ranger. There was absolutely no possible way that Ranger could get out of this embarrassment. Not one way!

Carl dropped his file. "If I wasn't seeing it, I wouldn't believe it."

Big Dog took a step forward. "Ranger, man is that you? Did you get this way chasing a _skip_? You? Say it ain't so!"

Ranger smiled. "I'm bringing in a skip, but this Vaseline isn't from that. Steph and I were in bed when I got a tip about Punky." He turned to me and his wolf smile spread across his face. "Steph likes things a little wild in bed. Don't you, Babe?"

My jaw hit the floor. Every eye turned towards me. Ranger stalked over and pulled me into his arms. "Right, Babe?"

Before I could tell him to go to Hell, he leaned down brushed his lips against my ear.

"Now."

I froze. Ranger chuckled and looked in my eyes.

"Chicken?"

Bloody Hell.

With my face three shades of red, I choked out "Oh God yes, Ranger!"

And I kissed him. Good. With tongue and roaming hands sliding over the Vaseline. I could hear cheering and cat calls in the background. I finished the kiss by biting his lip. Hard.

He jerked back laughing and slapped my backside. "Such a little wildcat."

I hate him. I lied. I don't like his face. Oh who the heck am I kidding? Grease or not, he's still gorgeous.

But tomorrow is the day. I can feel it. He's going down and I have a plan.

**TBC…**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**Author's note**: Today's chapter is for Connie (CE-CO) who sent me this great idea. You rock, girl.

**Chicken?**

**Part five**

**Friday morning**

I had spent the rest of yesterday doing two things.

1. Avoiding all the phone calls.

2. Planning today.

This was definitely the most involved dare yet, but I was going to get him. I had only two dares left but today was the day. I could feel it. How did I know? Because I had a plan.

Today I had a Denver omelet and home fries. Ranger had wheat toast, fruit and yogurt. We hadn't said much. We eyed each other occasionally, wary of the other's trickery.

Ranger finally broke the silence by handing me an envelope. I opened it and my face crumpled.

"Gah! No!!"

"It's just a gym membership, Babe."

"But it's for a whole year!"

Ranger smiled and pointed towards the envelope. "There's more."

I looked in and slumped in my chair. He had purchased the services of a personal trainer for a year. Debbie. Even her name sounded like a fucking Nazi.

"Ranger, you can't do this. Our bets are to be completed in the current day. Not all year."

"True. But I dare you to go sign the 'commitment' papers with Debbie today. Then it's up to you. But I have to warn you, she's very persistent. Lester dated her for six months once. He tried to break it off after two."

"You suck."

Ranger smiled and continued with his yogurt. "How about we meet at Lifetime Fitness at 11:00. That will give your food time to digest and we can get you set up with Debbie. Then I'll take you to lunch afterwards."

I watched him eat for a minute. Ranger and I were spending a lot of time together lately, starting to ingrain ourselves into each other's day. It was nice. True, these last few days we had a love/hate relationship, but I liked spending so much time with him. I was almost sad to see the week end. Almost.

"Tell me about Lifetime. Isn't it that big place?"

"Yes, I think you'll like it. It's close to your apartment and it isn't just a gym. They have classes, a pool, a rock wall and really good smoothies."

"Hell, hell, hell and sorta hell."

"Give it a chance. I'm sure you'll like Debbie. She's very social."

"Huh."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What do you have for me today? Am I joining the circus? Wearing ladies underwear?"

"Ohh, no. But that's a good one."

I opened my purse and handed him the tickets. He looked at them for a moment before his eyes widened and his lips parted slightly.

"Babe. I…Babe do you know what these are?"

"Well, I would hope so. I spent all yesterday afternoon tracking them down. I had to finally get them on Ebay. The key is to wait and bet in the last 15 seconds."

"But these are Rangers playoff tickets. Behind the glass. They must have cost you…."

"Ever last damn penny of the 1,500 you got me for bringing in Punky and it's going to be worth it."

"Babe, this is not something you have to dare me to do." He cut off and scowled down at the tickets. "There has to be a catch."

"Well, I'm not daring you to go right now. I'm daring you to go after Connie, Lula and I finish dressing you. We love hockey. In fact, we are REALLY excited about the Rangers making it to the playoffs."

Ranger leaned back and closed his eyes, but his lips were tipping up a little. "You never disappoint."

oooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooo

Debbie had the fakest boobs I had ever seen. Really. A work of art. She must have been a good 'D' and they didn't move one inch while she taught her step aerobics class. I know this because I stared at them for the last 10 minutes while she finished up before our appointment. I think Ranger was watching, too, but every time I looked at him he was looking at something else.

She bounced over (well, MOST of her bounced) to say hello and we followed her towards the 'new victim' area.

I looked down at my chest and sighed.

Ranger bent down. "Babe, there is NO comparison."

"That's what I'm sad about."

"I'll take you over her any day of the week. I was serious. No comparison."

He looked at me seriously and I felt a flush creep over me. And not the bad kind. The 'you just said the nicest thing in the world to me' kind of flush. We had stopped walking and were looking at each other and I was losing the willpower not to kiss him when the boobs were suddenly right next to me.

"Well here you two are! No time to waste! Let's sign those papers and then I'll give you the tour. Today is the first day of your healthier life!" She beamed and then bounced away.

I turned back to Ranger and he looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"See? Social. And Lester said she can do the splits, too."

"Fucking big boobed Nazi."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooo

First I signed my name in blood and then I had to do the 'real body age' test. This is where they put you through several exercises to find out how old your body thinks it is. Ranger did it with me for fun. His body was 25 years old. Mine was 39. I have nothing to say about that.

Next we got the tour. It was actually an interesting place. They had lots of amenities including the shower, which Debbie made sure to inform me that I should shower after every workout to avoid yeast infections.

Then she set my first workout for the following day. I tried to get out of it but she pulled me aside and told me that men like Ranger didn't stay with 39 year old women for long. I hate her. I was coming back at 11:00.

Ranger and I walked back out. I was grumbling.

"I can hear you back there. But I'm proud of you. You didn't have to do that."

"Debbie said you wouldn't want to be with my sad, old ass if I didn't." I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing." We were by our cars now and Ranger stopped to look at me.

"Babe, you're beautiful just the way you are. I just want to get you as healthy as I can because I have plans for you." He tucked a curl behind my ear.

"What kind of plans?"

"Hopefully the kind that allows me to show you why yours are better than fake." He grinned and eased in his truck.

"Pervert. Just for that you're taking me to Rossini's."

ooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooo

Ranger was sitting shirtless on the floor of the bonds office. Connie was sitting behind him on the couch putting the finishing touches on his hair. He'd had to bend over for a good ten minutes so she could lacquer his long hair into a Mohawk. Now she had just completed spraying it bright red. Lula and I were debating how to paint him.

Lula cut me off on my color debate. "Here's the deal. I really don't care. I'll paint him whatever color you want as long as I get to do his chest. This here is like a dream come true. I love my man Tank, but this is like the second coming of Christ. There ain't NO way I'm missing this! This is like every dream I've ever had come to life. I'm going to paint him gooood." Ranger looked pained.

Lula dipped her sponge in the blue paint and started sliding it down his chest.

"Oh Lord. Here we go. Oh Jesus. It's like painting the Rock of Gibraltar. That's right, sponge. Talk to Lula. Tell me what you're doing."

Ranger turned to me. "Babe. Here. Now."

I crawled over and sat next to him. His hand immediately came up and cupped my breast. He didn't try anything else, he just sat there holding my boob.

"And you are doing this why?"

"It's the only way I'm going to make it through this."

"You aren't embarrassed, are you?"

"No, but there might be some shriveling."

Lula was still talking to herself. "Oh Holy God, I touched his man nipple. My finger was a millimeter from it. Ohhhh, now we are going down to his stomach. Sweet Jesus, his abs. They're like the wake from the Love Boat itself!"

Ranger closed his eyes. "Fuck me."

In the end, I painted half his face blue and half red. Lula had painted red and blue alternating stripes up and down his chest and back. She tried to undo his pants but apparently Ranger had a comfort line and that was it. We put on Rangers wristbands and I had some hockey puck dangly earrings for him to complete his ensemble. He looked awesome.

We made it to the arena by 6:15. That left us 45 minutes to get food and get to our seats. We would have arrived a little earlier but we had to figure out how to get Ranger in the car. With his long hair, his Mohawk stood about a foot high from his forehead to the back of his neck. He just didn't fit in the front seat. In the end we had to pile him in the back seat of the Bronco so he could slouch. Ranger was being a good sport. He only complained once when Lula grabbed his ass 'accidentally' while we helped him angle in.

It wasn't long before I noticed a small flaw in my plan. As we walked, we were interrupted every 10 feet or so by other guys wanting to high-five Ranger. I soon realized that hockey was a crazy fan man club, and I had just made Ranger the Grand Wizard. Not only that, but I was getting pitying looks from their wives.

We stopped by the concession stand where I got nachos, a hotdog, candy, Coke, popcorn and two beers. We made it two our seats as the teams were taking the ice. They were awesome seats. Behind the glass and on the aisle so Ranger didn't have to worry about anyone on his right side. However, I had another idiot man on my left side who proceeded to high-five Ranger and spout off something like. "Friggin awesome, man. You friggin rock." He introduced himself as Bud. I slouched in my seat and started on my nachos. I hate it when they get soggy.

I did feel a little bad for him. It was pretty cold in the arena. He didn't complain and when I asked him about it, he said he had been through a lot worse in much more unpleasant company. I didn't push him on it.

The Rangers were playing the Dallas Stars and it was a close game from the start. We saw a lot of action as we were off to the side of a goal. My fun was only interrupted by Ranger and Bud who had to high-five on every somewhat decent play. I don't want to tell you what they did for goals but part of the routine involved bumping chests. I also got to hear Ranger belch a few more times. And he ate some of my popcorn.

However my luck took a turn halfway through the game. It was towards the end of the second period when it happened. I was bending over looking for some gum when I heard Bud go ballistic.

"Dude! Ranger! You're on TV! You're on fucking national TV, man! Go for it."

I looked up and there was Ranger's face spread across the jumbo-tron while they showed some stats for the game. Ranger laughed and before I could believe he was doing it, he stood up and raised his hands in the air.

I could hear the announcer in the background. "Look at this guy, ladies and gentleman. Here's a guy who is doing the Rangers proud tonight. It must be 50 degrees in here!" Ranger started flexing his muscles and the crowd went wild. The whole stadium started cheering. I couldn't believe it. I had failed once again.

"Damnit, Ranger!" I yelled.

He looked down at me with a smile and twinkling eyes and my stomach filled with dread. He held up a 'one minute' finger to the cheering crowd and pulled me to my feet. I felt my face flame up three shades of red as Ranger laughed and his wolf grin spread across his face. Before I could register, Ranger dropped to one knee in the aisle in front of me. The crowd roared.

"Oh my God, ladies and gentleman. Mohawk Man is doing it on national TV. Look at him go!" the announcer was yelling. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the two teams watching from the ice and clapping along.

"I can say anything I wasn't to right now, Babe, because no one can hear me. Will you, Stephanie Michelle Plum, do me the honor of running with me in the morning?" He was holding my left hand in his. I gaped at him. I could hear the crowd chanting "YES! YES! YES!" in the background. From somewhere off it the distance, I heard my cell phone start ringing.

"I'm not sure, folks." The announcer called out. "She's taking an awfully long time to say yes."

Suddenly I heard a few 'booos' mix in with the 'yes' chanters. It was going to get ugly.

"Yes! Yes, Ranger, I will run with you in the morning." Ranger jumped up, crushed me to him and kissed me hard. I felt his paint spreading all over me. I felt that right before I felt Bud pour his entire beer over the top of us.

Ranger and I broke apart laughing. We got a standing ovation. Ranger cupped my face and looked a little more serious. "You're a good sport. I love you, Babe." I couldn't help but smile at him. Smeared paint and all.

"Awww. Isn't that sweet." The announcer said. "Love at the hockey game. Now let's hit the ice!"

The game finished with the Rangers winning 5-3 with no overtime. I had to turn off my phone about 5 minutes after Ranger 'proposed' because I already had 12 new messages.

Ranger had a great time at the game. He got on national TV, embarrassed me and got more free beer than he could drink for the rest of the game. He also got visited by a Rangers media representative who wanted to know what it would take to get Ranger to star in their advertising campaign. I though Bud was going to herniate something when he politely turned her down.

After listening to intoxicated Bud tell us how happy he was for us and how much he loved us for the twentieth time, we made it out to the car. Ranger drove home since his Mohawk wasn't quite as tall after the Coors Light dousing.

He smiled the whole way home.

"I'm sorry your plan didn't work, Babe. Let me reimburse you for the tickets. I can chalk it up as a business expense somehow and write it off."

"No. Fair's fair."

"I'll tell you what. At least I won't really make you run in the morning since you are going to go see Debbie later."

"Well, I'm so excited. Let me play with myself."

"Isn't that how this whole thing started?" He was smiling as we pulled up at my apartment. It was about 11:00.

I glared at him. "You'll get yours!"

"One more chance to get me. Better make it good." He said as he pulled me to him for a kiss goodnight.

One more chance, I thought to myself as I rode up to my apartment. I tried to think up all different kinds of trickery, but none seemed bad enough. None had that crucial element to push Ranger over the embarrassment edge. I was feeling really depressed by now, made even more so by the blinking '42' on my machine. I sighed and dropped my purse and plopped on the couch.

My phone rang again as I was contemplating another beer to start of the rest of my night of planning. I glanced on caller ID and was about to switch off the ringer when it hit me. Only one person would be calling me this late from this number and she just might be my savior. Why hadn't I thought of this before?

There is only one person on this earth that scares Ranger. I picked up the phone.

"Hi Grandma. I'm glad you called I need your help."

_TBC….._


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**Author's note:** Okay ladies. You asked for her and now you're gettin' her. I can't dedicate this to one particular person since pretty much every one of you asked for the G-lady. But I will say that this chapter goes against my standard belief about trying to keep it semi-believable. I figured if you stuck with me this long you deserved a big finish. At least I hope it's big. Writing Grandma was tough for me. I hope I do her justice. Anyway, love you, ladies. I really appreciate all of the very motivational reviews you sent my way.

**Chicken?**

**Part six**

**Saturday morning**

The sun was shining, birds were chirping, flowers were blooming and Bambi himself danced along beside me as I waltzed into the diner. I walked right up to Ranger, grabbed his face and kissed him full on the mouth before I sat down. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I wasn't trying. It was a mother fucking beautiful day.

Ranger looked a little surprised. I don't think I had ever kissed him before. He smiled a little mushy at me before turning wary.

"Looking a little happy there, Babe. You want to tell me now or were you planning on dragging it out for effect?"

"Oh, I'm definitely dragging it out for effect."

We placed our order and leaned back to contemplate each other. We both couldn't stop smiling at the other. Ranger was probably still on a high from last night and I had the mother of all dares.

"Did you happen to read the paper this morning?" he asked casually. Too casually. I froze. This didn't sound good.

He brought out a copy of the New York Times and, sure enough, on the front of the sports section was Ranger down on one knee and my mouth just a gaping away. The caption read "Trenton's own Bombshell Bounty Hunter to wed Mohawk Man". I thunked my head down on the table.

"And my morning was going so well, too!"

Ranger laughed and pulled me into his lap on his side of the booth. We were in a corner of the restaurant so I buried my head in his neck and we sat there for awhile in each other's warmth until our lives felt peaceful again.

I pulled my head back and looked at him. "So I'm never going to hear the end of this. Are you going to make an honest woman of me?"

"That depends." He said, trailing his lips just underneath my ear causing a shiver to run through me. "I would need to get all the perks."

"That's fair." I said. I slid my hands down his back towards his ass. His breathing caught slightly as I slid them into his back pockets and squeezed. He caught my mouth in a kiss until I slid his wallet out and held it up for him. "A girl's gotta see the inventory before she signs on to perks." He laughed and made a half hearted grab for it but I turned in his lap until my back was against his chest.

"Let's see what we have here." I cracked open his wallet.

"Babe." He sounded like he was put upon but I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Such a serious driver's license picture."

"Tank was five feet away making obscene pelvic gestures."

I burst out laughing and felt his chest rumble behind me. Then I noticed the date. "August 18th!"

"And?"

"Your birthday! You never told it to me before. You just said '2 months older'."

"I didn't?"

"No!"

"That must have been when I was still trying to impress you with the mystery man act. I'm sorry I never told you." He kissed the top of my head.

"That's okay." I flipped to the next section. Credit cards. Now we were getting somewhere. "Crap, Ranger, you have three Platinum cards in here."

"Two business and one personal. Does that confirm your perks?" He smiled against my hair.

"Heck yeah! Which one does your pretend wife get?"

"Any one you want if it gets me in your pants." I laughed and turned to pretend smack him and he was pretending to deflect when our food arrived. I made to return to my side of the booth and he caught my hand. He didn't say anything but he slid my plate over so I could eat on his side. I handed his wallet back and he raised his eyebrows.

"You didn't even look for the condom."

I rolled my eyes. "Next time. Aren't you going to count your cards to make sure I didn't filch one?"

"Babe, you can have one of my credit cards anytime you want." This was said with no trace of joking in his voice. Only affection.

"You're just trying to soften me up to get out of my dare."

Ranger stopped in mid bite and pushed his plate away. "Uh oh, folks. Here she goes." He did the two handed 'come on' gesture. "Lay it on me."

"I was just thinking that you might not want to eat _too_ heavy today. You want to look your best for tonight." I was grinning from ear to ear. I couldn't help it.

He sighed. "And why do I need to look good for tonight?"

"Well, because you have a date."

Ranger stilled and cut his eyes to me. "Please tell me it's with you."

"Oh no. It's not. The Senior Citizen Annual Rose Ball is tonight and I got you a ticket. And a date. Lucky for you, too. Last minute and all."

Ranger had his eyes closed and he put his elbows on his knees. I could hear him mumbling softly to himself. "Don't say with Edna. Don't say with Edna. Don't say with Edna."

"Oh yes, Ranger. You've won a date with Edna Mazur! Actually, I shouldn't say date. I should say partner."

Ranger snapped his head up and locked eyes with me. "_Why_ are we saying partner, Stephanie?"

I laughed out loud I was so happy. "Because. The Rose Ball isn't just a party. It isn't even just a dance. Oh no, Ranger. It's their annual talent show. And you and Grandma are the final number. She signs up last every year so that the show ends with a bang."

Ranger's eyes were boring into me. I could feel actual heat emanating from him. If this weren't so fucking funny I would be a little afraid. "What is it, Steph? What are we doing? Please just spit it out."

"I'll just show you. Grandma asked me to give you this video so you can learn your part by tonight. You won't have time to practice with her." I got the DVD out of my purse and slid it over to him with shaking hands. I was making noises, trying to keep from laughing.

Ranger took one look at the DVD and stood up from the table. His blank face tried to make an appearance but he couldn't quite keep the fear out of his eyes. The restaurant quieted.

"Stephanie. There has to be a line. There _has _to be a line!"

I was laughing. There was no holding back now. "Your face….priceless…"

"This isn't funny, Stephanie! The Tribal Mating Dance of the Maasai?"

I was gasping. "Grandma..is adding….some….extra..parts!"

Ranger ran one hand over his face, pausing with it over his eyes for a moment. When he lowered it he was a little more in control. "And why is she doing that?"

"So she can add more groping!"

Ranger sank down in the seat and thunked his head against the table like I had done a little while earlier.

"What's the matter, Ranger? Ch-"

"Babe. If you say 'chicken?' to me one more time I'll-"

"You'll what?"

"I'll tell Ella to only buy generic brand Tastycakes."

"You wouldn't!"

Ranger picked up the DVD and thunked his head on the table again. "You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding."

"Nope. Now you better scoot on home and learn your part. I have to meet Debbie in an hour and you need to pick up Grandma by 6:00. She likes lilies."

Ranger stood back up and pointed at me. "It's SO on!" And out he walked.

He was so flustered he forgot to give me my dare.

ooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooo

Debbie SUCKS. She made me sweat for an hour and a half. And that's also the amount of time I stared at her perfect boobs. It's like when you're little and the grownups tell you not to look at the sun because you'll damage your eyes. So what do you do? You look at the sun. And I looked at Debbie's boobs.

She finished torturing me and sent me off to shower. Bitch. I finished up and went to get a smoothie. What? They're good.

Next stop was home. I had phone calls to make.

My first call was to Grandma.

"Well Grandma, you got yourself a dance partner."

"Hot damn. I can't believe it. The Bounty Hunter with the huge package. I'll have the hottest date in the whole place."

"He's really looking forward to it."

"So what do you think my chances are that he'll put out?"

"Pretty good. But he's shy. You may have to let him know you're interested."

"Hmmmm. That so? A virgin. I wouldn't have thought. Lucky for me he likes experienced women. I'll teach him the ropes. Damn, I have to find my good teeth. Did you give him the video?"

"Yep. He's good. He's picking you up at 6:00."

"Good. I have his costume all ready. I had to let it out a bit since he's bigger than Ernie. Ernie was pretty pissed to get the boot at the last minute."

"I'm sure he'll understand."

My next call was to check on Ranger. I heard drum beats in the background when he answered.

"Oh My God!"

"This better be important, Babe. I'm in the zone."

"Just wanted to see if you needed any help. I could bring you lunch. Pick up some charred antelope from Pino's."

"Laugh it up."

"You have no idea."

My last was to Lula.

"It's on. Spread the word."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The doorbell rang at precisely 6:00 pm. Of course he would be on time. Even to his Hell. I had a brief flickering of tenderness and guilt towards him and then I thought about how my mother had lectured me for ten minutes after I got here about wearing panties with a cotton crotch to help aid air into the vagina. He was going down.

My father opened the door and regarded Ranger.

"I thought you were scary but you're just a nutso!" And he walked back to his chair.

Ranger was wearing a black suit with matching shirt and tie. He looked edible. He also was in full blank face mode. He stopped his entrance when he saw me. He scanned me up and down, his eyes a combination of distrust and appreciation.

"I expected you to be here, but I didn't expect you to be dressed up."

"Did you think I would miss this?"

"I had hoped."

Just then there was a peal of high pitched laughter from the kitchen. Ranger raised his eyebrows.

"My mom." I said. "She's being flirted with."

"By whom?"

"My date."

Ranger's blank face came back quickly and his eyes zeroed in on the door to the kitchen just as Lester came swinging through, a cookie in each hand.

"Hey, Rangeman! Wathup?" He said, his mouth full. "You gotta get you one of Helen's cookies. They tathe like love on a tray." Another high pitched laugh was heard from the kitchen. Lester and I grinned at each other.

"What are you doing here, Santos?"

"I'm watching your girl for you while you're busy. I want to make sure she stays safe. Oh who the fuck am I kidding. I'm here to watch you make an ass of yourself. I was also thinking of trying to touch Stephanie's butt when you weren't looking."

Ranger narrowed his eyes and took a step forward. I was just about to interfere when we heard from the top of the stairs…

"Is that my Cuban piece of ass?"

Ranger's eyes widened slightly and Lester bent over in silent laughter. He had to push himself back in the kitchen.

Grandma was descending down the stairs. She had on a purple two piece sequined dress that she had found in the juniors section at the mall. The skirt had a slit all the way up and the top wasn't much more than a tube covering her boobs. So it was on her stomach. Her hair was the same color.

"What do you think? I look hot, huh? I wanted to look good for you. We're even matching." We all looked at Ranger. He didn't have one bit of purple on him. "No," she said. "I mean commando."

Ranger took an involuntary step back, shook himself a little and held out his bouquet of calla lilies. "You look lovely, Mrs. Mazur."

"That's good. Enough slick talk like that and I might just let you play recon."

ooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooo

We arrived at the Ball at 6:30. Lester and I had laughed the whole way there, hurrying to make sure we beat our favorite new lovebirds. The place was already packed. Old people party early.

When we walked in we saw that we weren't the only ones early to see the show. Lula, Tank, Connie, Bobby, Hal, Cal and Hector were parked at two adjoining tables. Bobby walked up to us with a loaded plate.

"This is a bitchin' buffet, man. We need to do this geezer scene more often."

"I don't see Binkie."

"He had to stay behind with the weekend new hires. He'll try to stop by later."

A hush went through the crowd and we all turned towards the door. Ranger walked in with Grandma on his arm, pausing in the doorway.

Ranger swept the room with his eyes in true Rangeman fashion, hitting us last. Hal raised a sign that said 'Go Boss Go!' All the way across the room I could see a muscle twitch in Ranger's jaw and his blank face snapped more firmly in place. He looked at me and I finger waved. He raised his eyebrows and pointed at me. I felt my heart stutter. That was Ranger code for 'better run now because you're going to Bosnia'.

The gossip that had started up the second they walked in hushed again as a tiny, saggy, little man who must have been pushing 100 came to stand in front of Ranger. A band of ancient men stood behind him, their arms crossed over their chests, staring Ranger down. You could hear a pin drop in the room.

"So you're the man with the nerve to take my girl and show your face here, huh?"

"Now don't start trouble, Ernie!" Grandma said. "We had a good run but it was time to move on. Ranger treats me right. And he has a driver's license!" There was a collective gasp among the room at the last statement and a few 'NO!'s floated around. Ernie looked defeated for a brief second before pulling himself up.

"That so? He may be younger, but does he have all this?" With that he punched Ranger in the stomach. It looked like the equivalent of swatting a spider off the couch. Ranger looked down at his stomach, back at Ernie and raised his hands in the air in mock defeat.

Ernie seemed to grow two inches. "Just so we know who the real man is." He turned to Grandma. "You could have had all this." He looked back at Ranger and gave him the finger. Ranger's lips tipped up in the corners. Ernie walked back and was slapped on the back and high-fived by his posse. There was a chorus of 'Did you see that?' and 'Way to show him, Ernie!'.

"Thank goodness that ended peacefully." Tank said. "Cause I would have had to get Ranger's back and I really don't like fighting old people. It's really creepy. They wet themselves."

"No shit." Bobby said.

Ranger and Grandma went and sat at a table with some of her friends. He was pretty much silent, answering questions with a nod or a few words. Every now and then he would glance at me with a small smile and a look that said he couldn't wait to get me alone. And it wouldn't be ending in an orgasm.

We ate and danced while waiting for the show to begin. Lester was a blast. He danced with me and then he and the other guys grabbed some shriveled ladies to boogie with. They were the hit of the party. Ranger danced with Grandma Mazur like a perfect gentleman. He kept having to lift her hands from his butt. She was plastered to the front of him. At one point she called over to me in a loud whisper, "Stephanie! You should feel this in his pants! Feels like a giant Redwood!" Ranger had backed away from Grandma pretty quickly, but I still couldn't tell if he was embarrassed.

Finally the lights dimmed and everyone took their seats. The tables were set up in horseshoe fashion around the dance floor, which was in front of the stage. The first half of the show was typical senior citizen talent material. There was some singing and piano playing. And one couple tried to tap dance, but it was more like tap and pause for breath. When the lights came on for intermission, Cal was asleep.

Grandma stood up. "Come on, Hot Stuff. Time to get ready." I stood up, too. I wanted to make sure Ranger didn't kill Grandma. Ranger didn't know about the costume.

We walked towards the back room of the hall where people were getting ready and Grandma got her bags out. "This one's yours." She handed Ranger his bag. He hesitated

"What is this, Edna?"

"Why, it's your costume! Didn't Stephanie tell you about the costume?"

Ranger slowly turned his eyes to me. I was trying to hold it together. "No," he said, not blinking. "It must have slipped her mind." Ranger turned his gaze back towards the bag and peered in. He didn't move for a moment, simply staring. Finally he reached in and started bringing the items out.

First came faux fur cuffs for his wrists and lower legs. The body was one piece of suede, dyed red and ending in fringe that looked like it would not come much below his mid-thigh. There was no top. Just a handful of beads. It finished with a tall feathered headdress.

Ranger was staring at the bottom part. "This is a skirt."

"You can't call it a skirt." Grandma said. "It's a traditional Maasai warrior outfit. I made it."

Ranger grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Grandma. He looked slightly flushed. "Babe, I can't wear this."

"Embarrassed?"

"I didn't know there was going to be a costume. Babe, I'm not wearing any underwear."

I burst out laughing and Ranger closed his eyes and hung his head. "This is such a cluster fuck."

"Do you want to borrow my thong?"

"No, I don't want to borrow your thong!"

"Looks like you're out of luck unless you want me to see if you can borrow Lester's."

"Babe. Men don't wear each other's underwear under penalty of death according to the Man Law. Besides, Lester doesn't wear any, either."

"Free-ballin it is." I kissed his cheek and sent him off to the dressing room just as Grandma was coming out. Ranger came to a halt in front of her. She was barefoot with the same fur on her calves and wrists. Her red suede one piece was nothing but strips crossing over her breasts and around her neck. Her back was bare and the skirt was not much more than fringe falling to her knees. You could see her granny panties when she moved.

"How do I look, Hot Stuff? You think you can handle me?" I could tell it was taking all of Ranger's impressive control to stay rooted to that spot.

"You look very authentic, Edna." He finally said. He tore his eyes away from her and looked at me one last time, his eyes as close to pleading as I had ever seen them. I wavered. But then I remembered the tampons, the nail salon, the police station and the hockey game. Not to mention my session with Debbie this morning.

"Let me get the dressing room door for you. Grandma wants to practice a little before you go on."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooo

We were anxious through the second half of the show. Maybe anxious is the wrong choice of words. Maybe eager would be better. Or thrilled. Or even raring. Yes, raring is the word.

After the second chorus of "Sweet Alice" was finally over the Emcee came out to announce the last act. We were all towards the back of the room so we could become rowdy. We cheered as he announced 'Edna Mazur and friend' however they got a few boos from the Ernie supporters.

The lights dimmed and the drumbeats began. Ranger walked on stage. We went nuts. He looked like he was about to throw up. Despite that, he looked like fucking sex in a skirt. With his coloring, he could have easily passed for a warrior 300 years ago. He had a spear and a shield and he moved with graceful agility as he posed in his opening stance: head down, legs strong and straight, spear and shield held aloft over his head. The drum beats paused again and Grandma waddled out.

If Ranger personified sex, Grandma was gravity in all its glory. There was silence as we regarded her in her outfit. The only sound that could be heard was Ernie softly wailing, "It could have been me!"

She walked over and stood behind him her arms going around his chest, gripping him. I thought Lester was going to pee himself he yelled so loud. Ranger broke position to jerk his head up and glare at him. We all roared and held up our signs. Bobby's said 'Shake your tribe thing'. Lester's said 'You look like a woman', Tank's said 'Nice skirt!' and Lula's said 'Take it off!'. Mine, of course, simply read 'Chicken?'. Cal had his video camera out.

Ranger shook his head and looked back down just as the music started for real and the strobe light kicked on. Ranger and Grandma broke apart moving through movement after movement that involved Ranger's fluid, flawless movements to be groped and exploited by Grandma. I had watched the tape. Despite it being a mating dance, there was very little touching between the pair. Not so in Grandma's version. This became a choreographed game between the two with Ranger trying to stick to his moves while avoiding Grandma, who was just trying to touch him. This was difficult since he had his shield hand in a permanent role of holding down his skirt. But try he did. She would advance on him and he would body roll to the right, just out of grasp.

But this became even more difficult towards the middle of the dance when both had to perform a series of jumps and kicks. Ranger held his skirt for dear life while trying to help Grandma get airborne. At one point she wrapped her legs around his waist and hung on like a burr. Ranger was laughing and trying to pry her off while executing a superb series of martial arts maneuvers with his spear. The crowd was going nuts. Old people everywhere were upping their blood pressure medicine.

The dance ended exactly how it began in the same pose. Ranger struck his warrior stance and Grandma wrapped herself around him from behind. Just as the last drumbeat struck, the strobe cut out and the lights brightened. But what we saw when the lights came on was slightly different. There was Ranger standing with his arms over his head, legs spread, with Grandma's hands reaching around up under his skirt in a full frontal grip. Well, I can't say for sure she was gripping because we couldn't see her hands under the skirt, but from the way Ranger's eyes bugged out I would say it was a two-hander.

For a brief second before he could react his eyes lowered and met mine. And then it happened. Ranger's face flamed the most beautiful shade of red I have ever seen.

"YES!" I yelled, jumping up and down. "YES! I WIN! I WIN! I own you, Carlos Manoso! I did it! I can't believe it. Thank you GOD!"

Lester, who had climbed on top of the table during the performance, was yelling his head off. Tank was laughing a big booming laugh and pointing. Cal was filming and Bobby was taking pictures with his digital camera. Lula was yelling a mixture of 'That's right! Spank it, Edna' and 'Grab that bad boy'.

Ranger reached down and quickly removed Grandma's hands, turning towards her laughing. His face was still beet red.

The Emcee walked over to them. "Well, it looks like your act brought the house down again, Edna. And how are you feeling?" he asked, pointing the mic in Ranger's face. Ranger looked out over the room at me, meeting my eyes. He looked a little shell-shocked.

"I can't believe it. I'm actually embarrassed." We all screamed again, shaking our signs and jumping up and down. But just as the echo of his words faded off, the noise around me seemed to diminish slightly and I felt a whisper of a breeze ruffle my hair. Our eyes still locked, I saw that Ranger felt it, too, his hair lifting slightly. Goosebumps broke out on my arms. We both looked around and back at each other questioningly as the noise level grew back to normal. No one else seemed to notice.

Ranger shook his head to clear it and realized that the Emcee had finished talking to them. They bowed again and turned to go. However when Ranger began leading Grandma off, he tripped over a cable that was left from the mic. He stumbled a few steps before righting himself, bringing on a renewed round of cheering from our section. Ranger's face, which had begun to clear, reddened again.

He led Grandma down the stairs and they began walking back towards us. Laughter sprang up behind them as they walked. People were pointing and laughing at him. He kept glancing around and finally turned fully around to look at the old people and I got a glimpse of his back. I burst out laughing. Apparently when he tripped, his skirt had flipped up and caught, exposing his entire perfect backside. An old lady to the left passed out. I rushed up and pulled it back down over him before any of them died. Ranger swung around to me and realized what happened. His face got even redder and he covered it with his hands.

"Ranger! What is going on?" I asked. This was not right.

"I'm not sure." He whispered. He looked scared to move. "I might have an idea. If I'm right, this is bad."

"What is it?"

He looked up at me. "There is an old legend associated with the Man Law. It says that if a man actually admits that he is embarrassed, then he will be cursed from then on. It's why men get defensive or go into denial when they get embarrassed. We can't say it in case of the curse."

"So you think you have the man embarrassment curse?"

"Let's find out. I'm going to tell Lester to meet me in the gym tomorrow to work out what he put on his sign." Ranger walked over to Lester. "Lester. My mother walked in on me masturbating once when I was 12." Ranger squeezed his eyes closed, said 'Oh!' and covered his face with his hands again. Lester gaped at him, said 'Dude!' and walked away.

"Why didn't you tell him about the gym?" I asked.

"I tried. That's what came out. I'm cursed. It's definitely a curse." Ranger still had his hands over his face.

"What are you going to do?"

Ranger looked up at me and sudden feral glint came to his eyes. "There's only one thing they speak of able to break the curse."

"What?"

He grabbed my hand and before I knew what was happening, he was dragging me at warp speed to the door of the hall. He looked back, his wolf smile in place.

"The sound of a woman screaming his name in pleasure."

He turned back around and smacked his head on a plant fixture.

_**TBC…**_

Okay…I know I said this would be the last chapter, but it got long so I decided to make it two.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

Author's note: Okay, this is really the final chapter. Again, thank you so much for reading and for all the nice reviews. I wouldn't write all this if it weren't for all your phenomenal support. Hope you like it.

**Chicken**

**Part seven**

**Still Saturday night…**

We made it back to Ranger's apartment in record time. Probably because I was driving. Ranger actually gave me the keys because he was worried about getting pulled over in his current situation.

The second I was out of his car Ranger had me by the hand and dragged me towards the elevator. He hadn't even paused to remove the headdress. We got on the elevator and he remoted us up to 7. The elevator, however, had other plans.

It came to a stop on five and there stood Binkie with about five new hires.

"And now I'll take you down to the gym…." He trailed off at his first glimpse of Ranger. "Ummm…sir…I…"

Ranger looked at Binkie fearfully and then down at me, his mouth slightly open.

"Mr. Manoso. Is that you?" Binkie finally asked. The new hires were looking confused.

Ranger squared his shoulders and faced Binkie. "My left nip-"

"HA HA HA HA!" I jumped in front of him. "We were just dressing up for a kinky sex game! Yep! Ha ha ha! WELL! Look at the time, Binkie! See you later!" I was rapid fire pressing the button for seven as I spoke. Binkie was just standing there staring.

The doors closed and Ranger leaned his forehead against the doors. "Christ."

When they opened again he bent down and swung me over his shoulder.

"Ranger!"

"No time, Babe."

He keyed the door open quickly but managed to crack my head on the doorframe on the way in. He set me down and I grabbed my head.

"Stephanie! I'm so sorry." he said, holding his hand over my bump. "We have to get this lifted. Now." He pulled me into the bedroom and into his arms.

I was worried that I might not be feeling entirely sexy with all this pressure. Those thoughts flew out the window, however, when he kissed me hard and fast. His tongue stroked mine and I forgot everything but the feeling. He eased my dress over my head and ran his hands all over my body.

I ran my hands over his bare chest feeling the muscles bunch under my fingers. Ranger reached around to undo my bra and I ran my fingers through his hair, knocking off the headdress. I was working my way down to his ass when I realized Ranger was still working on my clasp. I finally just stopped and stood there as he kept trying.

"Do you need me to turn around?"

Ranger let go and dropped his hands to his sides and looked incredulous. "I can't get it. I can't open your bra. You're going to have to do it."

I reached behind me and undid it easily. A muscle twitched in Ranger's jaw and he scooped me up and deposited me onto the bed. He crawled on his knees towards me and grabbed my legs, pulling them open before him.

"Now wait a minute Ranger, maybe we should slow down here!"

"Not on your life." He said and he bit the inside of my thigh, causing heat to course through me.

"If you are in that much of a hurry, shouldn't you just skip to the main event?"

Ranger looked at me a little disbelieving. "Stephanie. Think it through. What is the most embarrassing thing that can happen to a man and it just _happens_ to occur during sex?"

"Oh." I looked down at his pants. "You sure don't seem to be having that problem."

"Do _you_ want to risk it?" He had a point. "Besides," he grinned, all trace of sheepish suddenly gone "This is my favorite part." He lowered his mouth down to my thigh.

But I also wasn't quite ready to give up Embarrassment Ranger. I mean, I hadn't even asked him anything good yet. You know, taken him for a test drive. Actually, what if this curse was so bad that he couldn't even give me an orgasm? I worried about this for a moment as he kissed and licked up my thigh.

And then his tongue touched me through my underwear and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was no force on Earth strong enough to deprive Ranger of his sexual ability. He could be cursed by Satan himself and Ranger's magic would blow it out of the water.

Before I knew it, my underwear was gone and I was writhing beneath him as he licked and teased, finally sliding two fingers deep inside. He groaned against me. I tried to hold it in, make it last just a little longer but when he pushed my knees together and up to my chest I came hard under his talented mouth, screaming his name in all it's glory.

Ranger didn't even pause for breath. He came over me, wrapped my legs around his waist and thrust into me hard, making me scream again. He did pause for a moment then and lowered his forehead to mine. I could feel his arms shaking slightly in his restraint.

"Christ, Babe, you feel so good. Just like I remember."

But I was done talking. Done protesting. Done stalling. I urged him on and he ground into me hard and fast, driving us up until I exploded again, calling to him. He slowed so I could finish and then joined me over the edge, collapsing on top of me as we gasped.

He cradled me to him and our breathing slowed. We didn't talk for awhile but just held on, occasionally smiling at the other and kissing. Finally I looked around.

"Well, what happened? Did it break? Should you test it? Call down to the control room and try to talk."

Ranger just smiled slightly and kissed me softly.

"Seriously, Ranger, we should find out."

He continued to smile and trailed his lips down my neck causing me to shiver.

"Ranger…"

"Babe."

Suddenly I got a weird feeling. I shoved him off me and sat up. He rolled onto his back with one arm behind his head. He was grinning.

"Ranger. What's going on?"

He sighed. "Babe. A Man Law Embarrassment Curse?"

I gaped at him. "WHAT? You made that up?"

Ranger traced a finger down my breast. "Yep." I slapped his hand away.

"The whole thing? The tripping? The comments? The bare ass?"

Ranger laughed. "Everything but the bare ass. That was an accident. I guess I fake tripped too hard." He had the nerve to look pleased with himself.

I couldn't believe it. I stood up in the bed over him. "But WHY? WHY would you do that?" My arms were starting to wave.

Ranger ran his gaze up the length of me, his look heated again. "Looks like it worked."

I jumped to the ground. "You TRICKED me into bed with you? You…you…" I gaped at him and then pulled on my underwear and started searching for my bra. In a flash he was up.

"Yes, Stephanie. I tricked you. And I'd do it again. I'll trick you, seduce you, stun you, handcuff you…" he paused until I looked at him "..love you until you realize that my bed is where you need to be." My mouth opened slightly and I couldn't break his gaze. "You think it's me, but you're actually the tricky one, Babe. Getting you here is one of the most challenging things I've done. But I feel pretty good about being able to keep you here." A hint of smug laced his voice.

"Besides, all our hard work, I deserve a reward." he breathed against my neck. He reached behind me and effortlessly flicked my bra open with one hand. It slipped off and he lowered his mouth to my breast. I was trying to process what he said as well as stay mad at him but I was slowly losing my concentration as he heated my skin. One little nagging thought wouldn't leave, however.

"Wait. What do you mean by all 'our' hard work?" I was starting to moan.

"Your Grandma and I. She really hammed it up. I thought for a minute she really was going to grab me at the end, though. That was a little scary."

I shoved him away. "WHAT? You corrupted my Grandma?!"

He was still looking at my breasts, reaching out to try to touch them. "It wasn't hard. I just promised her Lester would drive her and her friends around in the Turbo for a day."

"WHAT! That was fake? NO! No No No! You were embarrassed! I saw your face turned red!"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Babe, but that was fake, too. I have enough control over my body that I can turn my face red if I need to." The wolf grin was back. "It really wasn't hard. I just pictured my head between your legs and that did the trick." As he said this, he ran his hands between my legs, stroking me. I couldn't believe it. He had duped me again and all I could think about was getting back in bed with him and wrapping around him like a wet towel.

He was against me now, his hands cupping my bottom as he kissed lightly along my jaw towards my ear. I felt myself moan a little. He was slowly walking backwards towards the bed.

"But I won." I whispered.

"And you did a good job. I just don't get embarrassed." He was teasing my nipples with his thumbs as he said this. "I gave you fair warning."

The back of my knees hit the end of the bed and I sank down, unable to stop myself and I grabbed his shoulders to pull him on top of me.

Ranger nestled between my thighs and bent down to kiss me. His tongue swept into my mouth and his hands framed my face. He pulled back and looked at me. "I love you, Babe." He smiled. "And I have a bet to collect on. All evening at my disposal."

I couldn't help it. When he said it I felt myself go wet at the thought. Ranger ran a hand under my panties and moaned into my neck.

"Tonight?" I asked.

Ranger stroked his thumb over me and I gasped. "No, Babe. I don't need to use my winnings to keep you in bed tonight."

"You don't?" I breathed. Like I was getting up!

"Nope. I never used my dare for today." I pulled back and looked into his smiling face. He had duped me AND managed to get two nights of sex out of the deal.

Thank God.

Ranger leaned his weight back just a little, the glint back in his eyes.

"I dare you to turn around."

And God help me, I did.

ooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooo

_**Six months later….**_

Ranger's mother stood up and excused herself to the bathroom. We had just finished a fabulous Ella dinner in Ranger's apartment. Even Ranger had eaten the flan. His brothers had two helpings. I liked them. Ranger's father had been quiet, but he was warming up and he was as handsome as his son.

I walked back in from the kitchen. "Where did Marie go?"

Celia leaned back in her chair. "She had to use the restroom. You know what that means, don't you Carlos? She's going through your cabinets." They all groaned in sympathy. I smiled, too, because Ranger had told me this once before in empathy when I complained about my mother rearranging my things.

Ranger picked up his plate. "Not much to find, unless she has a problem with shave gel and extra toilet paper."

But he spoke too soon. "Ricardo Carlos Manoso!" we heard from the bathroom in a tone that only a disgusted mother could use. All the Manoso children winced, including Ranger. His Dad snuck into the kitchen.

Marie rounded the corner. "What is this?" She had a magazine in her hand. Ranger's brother Miguel burst out laughing and grabbed it from his mother.

"_Bump and Grind: Breast edition_. Nice, Bro!" Sure enough, two top heavy women were on the cover touching each other in places that their bathing suits covered. If they were wearing bathing suits. Which they weren't.

Ranger furrowed his brow. "I…that isn't mine, Mama."

She turned on him, away from Miguel. "Don't lie to me, Carlos. You have a filthy magazine in your bathroom. Where else would it come from? This is just as bad as when you were 12!"

"Mama." he warned.

She turned to me. "Oh it was bad. He was always in the bathroom. I'd never seen a boy need to do it as much as Carlos. Not even his brothers!" Miguel and his brother Fernando were roaring. Ranger was looking furious. Celia muttered something about 'disgusting'.

His mother plowed on. "Anytime a new catalog from Victoria Secret would arrive, off he would go. He'd be in there for an hour. He would go in the bathroom because I caught him once in his room. Little pervert. I didn't even want to touch the underwear section after that!"

"_Mama_!" Ranger said sharply. His face was red and he wouldn't even look at me.

"And I don't even want to talk about his sheets. I know because I had to change them. He used to get these dreams-"

"That's enough, Mama!" Ranger said. He looked mortified. Miguel threw a pillow at him.

Celia laughed. "Oh yes. The Alyssa Milano dreams. He used to watch _Who's the Boss_ religiously."

Marie was not to be deterred. "But his sheets!" She was still talking to me. "It was everywhere!"

"I can't listen to this anymore!" Ranger turned and slammed into his room. We all stood there for a moment, smiling at each other.

"I think I better go." I said. "I think I need some time to process this..uh…side of Ranger."

I heard a muffled 'Christ' from the bedroom. I said goodbye to everyone and walked out to the elevator.

I leaned against the wall instead of pressing the button. After a moment, the door opened quietly and Marie came out and stood before me, looking at me intently. We both broke out in a big smile at the same time.

"_Si_, Stephanie. That was a good idea you had."

"I couldn't decide between that one or this one." I said, pulling out _Modern Ass _from my bag. She laughed.

"You are sneaky and clever." She took my hand and her thumb brushed over my engagement ring. "If I didn't know how much you love him, I would have to keep a serious eye on you!" She wagged her finger at me, but her eyes were warm and laughing.

The door to the apartment was suddenly thrown open and Ranger stood there glaring at us.

"I knew it!" He turned on his Mom. "You! You're a horrible mother." He turned to me and pointed. "And you! It's SO on." My laughter cut off. Ranger didn't mess around. I had learned that several months ago.

Ranger turned to storm back into his apartment and paused. He turned back to us abruptly.

"And just for the record, it wasn't that much. I always cleaned up! I mean…shit!" His face turned red again and he slammed the door shut behind him.

Marie turned back to me. "He'll calm down. Give him a few minutes in the bathroom with the magazine." I burst out laughing. She smiled at me. "Nice to know he's met his match."

I hoped so, or I was a dead woman.

**_The End_**


End file.
